


Saving Clarke

by btvscharmedgirl



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 15:03:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18780676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/btvscharmedgirl/pseuds/btvscharmedgirl
Summary: Nearly a year after the hundred landed on the ground, Octavia watches Clarke struggle with all that happened and tries everything she can to help her in anyway she can.





	Saving Clarke

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there. So, this story was previously published under a different name, Clarke's Redemption. Due to the nature of the story (nothing horribly bad) I decided to delete the fic. I've been in a mood for The 100 fics so I decided to edit out the unsavory parts. If you've read the original version, then you'll notice what has been removed.

Clark drunkenly stumbled into her spacious hut, and only the quick reflexes of her friend Octavia stopped her from falling flat on her face. The brunette guided Clarke to her big, hand carved bed, and forced Clarke onto it. Clarke laid on her stomach across the center of the bed mumbling incoherently to herself, as her friend began pulling off her boots.

Octavia went through the motions like she did every night with Clarke. After Clarke had drank enough of Monty's moonshine to have her stumbling incoherently, Octavia would guide the blonde to her hut, pull off her boots, strip off her clothing, and tuck the blonde into the furs. This had been their nightly routine for nearly two months.

Clarke had arrived back at the camp, now dubbed Arkadia, just over three months ago. She had showed up one day out of the blue nearly six months after she had left them. Her hair was a red, matted mess, her face was adorned with bruises and cuts, her body was covered with grounder clothing, and she was limping horribly.

The guards posted at the gate hadn't recognized her and assumed that she was a grounder. Though the grounders weren't banned from Arkadia, they rarely came to the growing village, except for a few regulars who dealt with the camp's trades. The guards had refused to open the gates for her until she announced who she was, and why she was there. Unfortunately, she had been ill at that time, and hadn't been able to talk loud enough for the guards to hear. It had been Octavia and Lincoln who exited the gates to see what the grounder wanted, only to find that it wasn't a grounder at all, but their missing leader.

Clarke didn't say anything to Octavia, nor her mother, or anybody else for at least three weeks after she returned. Abby had forced Clarke to stay in the medical wing, for two of those three weeks. Her mother had attempted to get Clarke to stay with her in the arc, but each morning she would find Clarke sleeping somewhere outside. So, she gave in and showed Clarke to where her hut had been built.

The hut had been a gift from Lexa kom Trikru, Heda of the thirteen clans, as was everything in the hut. Abby told Clarke that a group of grounders, all hailing from different clans, showed up at camp just days after she left and built it for her. Then proceeded to helped build half the structures now residing in Arkadia.

It was then that Clark had spoken for the first time since she returned. As she walked around the large room, looking at the table sitting in the center of the room. It was two simple, heart-felt words that seemed to make Clarke's world crash in on itself. "I'm Sorry."

She hadn't said anything further. She hadn't explained why she was sorry, nor what she was apologizing for. She had just said the words, and then slid to the floor crying. Abby hadn't hesitated to go to her daughter's side, and pull her into her lap, whispering comforting words in her baby's ear.

After that night Clarke started drinking with Jasper by the fire each night. Neither said a word to each other, they just simply passed a jug of moonshine to each other and drank themselves into a stupor. It was two weeks later that Octavia realized Clarke slept by the fire each night and started escorting the blonde to her hut each night.

The first few nights Octavia simply escorted Clarke to her bed and removed her boots. Then after a few days of carefully watching Clarke, Octavia noticed the blonde wasn't changing her clothing each day, or bathing, or eating properly.

From that night on, Octavia stripped Clarke down to her cotton shorts, so that the woman had no choice but to put clean clothing on the next morning. She enlisted Bellamy, Raven, Lincoln, Harper, Monroe, and Monty to make sure Clarke was eating between sneaking shots of moonshine. Someone from the group would find Clarke and sit with the woman as she ate. They would talk to her, tell her about the changes made to Arkadia, explain how the trade with local Trikru villages worked, subtly adding in any word they received from Polis. Clarke acknowledge them, but never contributed to the conversation.

Every couple of days Octavia would take Clarke to the lake to make sure she was bathing properly. The first time Octavia had force Clarke into the lake it had been in the middle of the night. She had been three sheets to the wind, and Octavia had been undressing her in Clarke's hut, when she noticed how dirty Clarke was, and the awful smell coming from the blonde. She had forced Clarke out of the hut and walked her to the edge of the lake, stopping by her own hut on the way to collect her soaps and a couple of towels. Clarke had looked up at Octavia in shock when Octavia tossed her into the waist high water, and unceremoniously started cleaning her. Now Clarke didn't fight Octavia when she came to collect her for a bath.

Octavia tucked Clarke into furs and watched as the blonde's eyes drifted closed. She did this every night, just to make sure that Clarke was okay. Then she walked to the door. Just before she walked through the door, she heard Clarke softly say, "Thank you." She turned around in shock, to find Clarke staring at her through the dimly lit room. That was the first thing Clarke had said directly to her since getting back.

"Thank you," Clarke repeated a little louder.

"You're welcome Clarke," Octavia said strongly. She smiled at her friend, and then slipped out of the hut. She slowly walked across the dark lawn to her own hut, which was the only hut near Clarke's. She looked up at the bright stars almost longing for a simpler time. One before all the loss, and the pain.

She scoffed to herself when she remembers what life was like up in the stars, and then slipped quietly into her hut. Lincoln was already lying in bed, waiting for her to return. She smiled tiredly at him as she began to strip, and then crawled into bed. He wrapped her arms around his love and kissed her softly.

"How is she?" he asked quietly.

"The same," Octavia sighed sadly. "She spoke to me tonight. As I was leaving her hut, she said thank you."

"That is a good thing," Lincoln said. "Maybe she is coming around."

"I don't know Link. Her eyes still look so tortured. I think being here every day is making it worse. Drinking every night with Jasper isn't helping her any."

"I think getting her to talk is the key," Lincoln said. His hand slipped under the furs and rubbed Octavia's stomach gently.

Octavia closed her eyes at the comforting ministration. "How do I get her to open up though?"

Lincoln moved his hand a further south, and Octavia moaned as his fingers brushed over her lips. "Take tomorrow night off, and drink with her. Maybe she will open up if you're inebriated too." His fingers ghosted over Octavia's clit, causing her to let out a loud moan. "I will keep watch over you."

Octavia nodded her head, as she moaned again. "Shof op," she said and crushed her lips to his.

~The 100 - Saving Clarke - The 100~

The next day Octavia led Clarke to the lake for a bath. The sun was just beginning to sink in the sky, creating an orange glow reflected on the rippling water. Clarke was quiet, but Octavia could tell that she had already had quite a few drinks. Clarke usually kept her drinking to a bare minimum during the day. Abby had caught her three sheets to the wind during the afternoon about a month before hand and had forced Clarke to spend three day with her. After that, Octavia noticed that Clarke was more coherent during the day light hours.

Clarke stumbled to the fire after they left the lake, not bothering to take her dirty clothing or soaps back to her hut. She just dumped them behind the log she sat down on. Jasper was already sitting by the fire on the log next to Clarke's. There was a cup filled with moonshine already waiting for her, which Clarke eagerly took a gulp from.

Octavia sat down next to Clarke and took the cup from the blonde. She down the rest of the contents in one gulp, and then handed the cup back to Clarke. "I think I'll join you tonight," she said, and then chuckled at the look on Clarke's face. She was pouting and looking into her cup sadly.

Jasper laughed and took the cup. "Well alright-y then," he said, and filled the cup to the rim. He passed the cup back to Clarke, who took a large gulp, before passing it to Octavia. She smiled softly as she did.

They each had several cups of moonshine in their systems when they were greeted by Monty, Raven, Lincoln, Miller, Harper, Monroe, and Bellamy. They were all holding plates, cup, and jugs of moonshine and grounder ale.

Monty handed Jasper one of the two plates he was carrying, and then took a seat next to his best friend. Lincoln handed one of his three plates to Clarke and the other to Octavia, and then sat down on the log across from them. Bellamy was carrying his own plate of food and a toppling stack of cups. Monroe set her plate down and took the stack from Bellamy. She distributed them around the group, and then sat down next to Bellamy. Harper and Miller were both carrying the moonshine and ale, along with their plates. Miller passed the ale to Octavia and handed the jug of moonshine to Bellamy. Harper handed one jug of moonshine to Raven, who was sitting with Lincoln.

They ate in silence, but once they each had a few drinks in them, the group became boisterous. Clarke remained silent as the group talked loudly and happily about their day. She didn't laugh with the rest of the group when Miller recanted how Raven had fallen into the lake while trying to fix the water pump. She didn't offer a smile when Octavia filled her cup with some of Lincoln's ale. She just sat there, downing cup after cup of moonshine and ale.

At some point Harper suggested they play a drinking game. Since the group as so large, Monroe suggested Never Have I Ever. Lincoln, who had leisurely been sipping on a cup of ale all night, laughed as the Arkadians explained the rules.

Clarke didn't offer anything when it was supposed to be her turn, but she did drink if she had done the act described, much to the amusement of the group. Each person had several turns under their belt, when the night took a turn for the worse. The light, silly, somewhat sexual, Never Have I Evers turned dark on Jasper's fifth turn. He had much more to drink then everybody else, except for Clarke, and was beyond pissed.

"Never have I ever, killed my friend's girlfriend or boyfriend." The words tumbled from his mouth dangerously low, and the entire group froze in shock. In the three months Clarke had been back, nobody had brought up the mountain around her. It had become a taboo topic whenever Clarke was close. "Better drink, Clarke." He said drawling out her name out. "You've done it, what, twice already. Or was it more? I can't keep track anymore. You've killed so many people."

Octavia gasped. "Jasper," She said sharply. "What the fuck?"

"Yeah, not cool man," Raven added. She may still hurt over Clarke killing Finn, but even a blind man could see how much Clarke a hurting.

"Hey. I'm just playing a game, and making sure Clarke is playing it right," Jasper slurred.

"No, you're being an ass," Octavia said, and looked at Clarke.

A deeply sad look covered Clarke's face. The blonde stared into the fire, before she downed her fuck cup of moonshine in one go. She stood up, and tossed the metal tin into the fire, before stumbling away.

The whole group stood to follow, but Octavia waved them off. "I got this," She slurred, and followed after Clarke. She caught up with Clarke just as the blonde reached her hut. Clarke toppled through the door and crashed to the floor.

Octavia reached down to help her up, but Clarke angrily swatted her arms away.

"Leave me alone," Clarke slurred. She clumsily got to her feet and stumbled to her bed.

"Three months of silence, and now you decide to talk," Octavia mused as she walked toward the bed.

"I talked last night," Clarke reminded her.

Octavia grabbed Clarke's left leg and started untying her boots. "How could I forget? I spent two months taking care of your drunk ass, and I finally got a thank you."

Clarke nudged Octavia away from her with her now bootless foot. "Fuck you. I didn't ask for you to do that."

Octavia scoffed, and then grabbed Clarke's right foot to take that boot off. "What was I supposed to do Clarke? Stand by as you starved and drank yourself to death?" She tossed the boot to the side and stared down at her friend.

"Yes," Clarke yelled.

Grief flooded Octavia's heart and mind, which quickly mingled with anger. She grabbed the front of Clarke's shirt with both hands and pulled the girl up until their noses were nearly touching. "Never."

Clarke push Octavia away, causing the woman to stumble backwards into the table. Clarke got up on her feet and advanced on her friend. "You should have just left me alone. I don't deserve to live."

"You're only saying this because of what Jasper said," Octavia told her.

"He was right," Clarke roared. "He was fucking right. I killed Maya. She helped us. We never would have saved our people if it hadn't been for her, and I repaid that kindness with killing her."

"And you saved our people," Octavia said. She grabbed Clarke again, and looked into her eyes. "You save our people."

"I'm not a hero. I'm a murderer," Clarke said as tears welled in her eyes. "I killed Finn. I let those people get hit with the missile. You nearly died. I massacred an entire population of people. I killed them all. Even the babies. They all died. I did that. I did that."

Clarke slid to the ground crying heavily, pulling Octavia down with her. Octavia knelt in front of her and pulled her close. "Tell me what you need to make you feel like living again."

"Nothing," Clarke sobbed. "I don't deserve to live."

Octavia held Clarke as she cried, with silent tears rolling down her own cheeks. Her heart ached for her friend. She had known that Clarke was struggling, but the realization that Clarke hadn't just been neglecting herself because she wanted to die and not because of her drunken stupors, hit her hard. Octavia had long since forgiven Clarke for letting those people die in Ton DC, but she had never told that to Clarke. It hadn't even crossed her mind that Clarke might still think that she hated her. She was taking care of her after all. Then again, in Clarke drunken, grief filled mind, she could think that she was only helping her so she couldn't ease her guilt and pain with death. That Octavia was only keeping her alive so her suffering could continue. Horror filled Octavia with that thought, knowing all too well that Clarke's addled mind could easily think that.

Octavia pushed Clarke back gently and looked her straight in the eyes. "I forgive you for not warning us about the missile. I forgive you, for doing everything you had to do to save our people."

"I don't want your forgiveness," Clarke said quietly.

"We that's just too damn bad, because you have it," Octavia said.

"Fuck you O," Clarke spat, and flung herself away from her friend. She stood up and moved to the other side of the table.

Octavia followed Clark and grabbed her shoulders. "You have my forgiveness, and I'll do anything to help you feel better. I'll do whatever you need to feel like you like your life is worth living again."

Clarke stared at Octavia. Her blue eyes swam darkly behind unshed tears, the torture she felt shining clearly. Octavia wished that she could hear what Clarke was thinking. To see how she viewed the world. Maybe she could give Clarke exactly what she needed then, without playing a guessing game.

Octavia's mind went blank when she felt Clarke's soft lips, crash into her own. On instinct she kissed the blonde back. A heavily lust filled fog filled her mind, clouding even the alcohol she had consumed. She felt herself being pushed backwards, until the two came to a stop at the bed.

The world came crashing back to her when Clarke pushed her onto the bed and straddled her. Lincolns smiling face filled her mind. "Lincoln," she said quietly.

"He's not here," Clarke said, and then kissed her again.

Octavia expertly rolled them over and rested her body between Clarke's legs. "Is this what you need?" she asked quietly. "Will this make you feel better? Will this make you feel alive?"

Clarke didn't speak. Her cloudy mind could only think of one thing. Her overwhelming desire to feel somebody. To have somebody touching her, making her forget everything. It had been month's since she left Niylah alone in her bed, and she missed the touch of the woman. For the few fleeting nights she had spent with her, everything had slipped away. Every few weeks Clarke would go to Niylah, hurt, cold, her mind addled with grief, and she made it all go away for a few hours.

Clarke raised her head up, and captured Octavia's lips. She broke the kiss and said, "Shof op." She recaptured her friend's lips and rolled them back over. "Tell me now if you want to stop."

Octavia was surprised by the demand. They were both incredibly drunk, but Clarke still had enough faculty to make sure she wanted this. Her mind drifted to Lincoln. She loved him with all her heart, and she knew that he loved her. That's why she knew that he would be okay with her doing this. As they laid in bed each night, Clarke was always the first topic they talked about. He always asked how she was. His concern for her friend was one of the reasons she loved the man so much.

She put Lincoln to the back of her mind and focused on the blonde straddling her. In that moment all she cared about was making Clarke feel something other than her guilt and grief. She leaned up and captured Clarke's lips. The kiss was soft and tender. Octavia was trying to show Clarke that she wanted this. That she was okay with it.

Clarke broke the kiss and sat up. She tossed her coat across the room, and pulled her shirt off, revealing her bare chest. Octavia sat up, and captured a pale nipple in her mouth, causing a loud moan to roll from Clarke. Octavia smiled around the nipple. She had never been with anyone other than Lincoln, let alone another woman, but she had a feeling fucking Clarke was going to be fun.

~The 100 - Saving Clarke - The 100~

Clarke was startled awake the next morning by somebody moving around her hut. She wasn't worried about somebody being in her hut. Octavia always brought her a plate of food in the morning. She tried to roll so she could bury her head in her pillows but wasn't able to move due to the body pinning her to the bed. The events of the previous night filtered into her mind.

She snapped her eyes open and regretted it. There wasn't much light filtering through the hut, but the little that was made her headache. She closed her eyes again, and then rapidly blinked to allow her to adjust. She looked down at the woman lying into her side, and up at the intruder.

Fear crept into her chest, when she saw that the intruder was Lincoln. Not because she was afraid that he would hurt her, but because she was lying naked with his girlfriend. There was no denying what it looked like. Octavia's neck and back were exposed, and there were hickeys covering her tanned skin.

"Lincoln, I…" Clarke started, but Lincoln raised his hand up to silence her.

He handed her a mug and bent down to place a kiss on Octavia's forehead. The woman stirred at the loving gesture and buried her head into the breast beneath her head. Lincoln bent down and kissed her again. She groaned and blinked her eyes open. She squinted up at Clarke in confusion.

Clarke shook her head slightly and nodded her head in Lincoln's direction. Octavia slowly looked in the direction Clarke was nodding towards. "Lincoln," she said.

"Good morning, ai hodnes," he said with a soft smile, and then leaned down to give her a proper kiss. He pulled back and handed her the second mug he was holding. "For your hangovers. They will clear them up in no time."

Neither girl knew what to say.

Lincoln took notice to that. "I am not angry."

"You should be," Clarke muttered, and sat the mug on the table.

"But I'm not. It is natural to seek the comfort of friends during times of emotional stress," Lincoln said. "I brought breakfast. You should eat."

Octavia's stomach chose that moment to growl hungrily.

"See. Food is what is needed now, not anger," he chuckled, and then leaned down to kiss his love again. "The hunting party is leaving soon. I will tell them that you weren't feeling well."

"Mochof, ai hodnes," Octavia said, and leaned up to kiss him again. Octavia watched as her love left the hut, and then slipped from the bed. She grabbed the throw blanket from the chest at the foot end of the bed and wrapped it around her body. "Eat Clarke. I'll be back in a minute."

She exited the hut, and found Lincoln waiting by the steps for her. He put his hands up to silence her, before she even had a chance to open her mouth. Octavia stepped into his open arms and melted into his warm embrace. "I'm sorry," she cried softly.

"Don't be ai hodnes," he said and then kissed the top of her head. "Your friend needed you. She's hurting and if this made her feel better, then you have nothing to apologize."

"She's not just hurting Link. She wants to die. She doesn't think she deserves to live," Octavia said.

"Then you have to make her see that she does," Lincoln said.

Octavia buried her head into Lincoln's chest. "That's why I had sex with her, Link. She seemed so desperate to feel something other than pain, and I wanted to give that to her."

"Get her to talk to you Tavia," Lincoln said. "Maybe now that you shared an experience like that, she will be more open." Lincoln kissed her again. "I must go, before Bellamy leaves me behind again."

"Go and be safe. Return to me ai hodnes," Octavia said.

"Always," Lincoln said, and then turned around and made his way across the lawn.

Octavia watched him until he disappeared around the Ark. She slowly made her way into Clarke's hut. The blonde was sitting up in her bed, with her knee's drawn up. The blankets were bunched up around her waist leaving her chest exposed. Her elbows her resting on her covered knees and her head was resting in her hands. She could tell right away that Clarke was crying.

Octavia sighed heavily and crawled back into the bed. She wrapped her arms Clarke and pulled her closer. "It's okay Clarke. He isn't mad at us. He understands why we did it."

"I ruin everything," Clarke cried softly.

Octavia pulled Clarke's head up so she could look her in the eyes. "You didn't ruin anything Clarke. Link and I are good. You can't keep blame yourself for every little thing that goes wrong for other people, especially when there isn't anything wrong."

"We shouldn't have done that," Clarke said distantly. She met Octavia's eyes with a hard look. "I shouldn't have forced you to do that."

"Clarke. You didn't force me to do anything I didn't want to do," Octavia said. "You needed to feel something other than pain and numbness. If it helped you forget, even for just a little while, then it was worth it."

"Making me forget wasn't worth you ruining your relationship with Lincoln," Clarke said, and then got out of the bed. She walked over to her ancient set of dressers, and pulled out a pair of underwear, and a t-shirt.

Octavia moved off the bed and collected her clothing from the various places Clarke had tossed them. As she dressed, she watched Clarke pace the length of the hut. She could see a storm brewing behind those beautiful blue eyes, and for a moment she feared that she had made the wrong choice the night before. What if having sex with Clarke made things worse? What if she retreated further into herself?

Octavia jumped when Clarke suddenly pick up a book that was sitting the table and tossed it across the room with a ferocious howl. She then turned around to her lower sitting dresser and picked up a handcrafted wooden box. She turned around and threw it at the wall with everything she had. The box hit the wall shattering into half a dozen pieces, spilling the contents in all directions.

"I hate it here," Clarke yelled, as she picked up another book and tossed it. "Everywhere I go I'm reminded of what I did. When Raven brings me food, all I can think about is driving that knife into Finn's heart. I can still feel the blood flowing over my hand, the way his body slumped when he died. I hear Raven's screams when she realized what I did."

Octavia didn't dare say anything. She was too afraid that Clarke would stop talking if she even made a move.

"Every night when you put me to bed, all I can see is the missile hitting Ton DC. The damaged it caused. All I can see is the bodies lying in the ruins. I have to live everyday knowing that I let two hundred and fifty people die."

Octavia wanted to ease her pain. She wanted to tell Clarke that she was forgiven. That it was okay now. That everybody was movie past the destruction of Ton DC. She couldn't tell her that yet. She knew Clarke wasn't done.

"I sit every night with Jasper to punish myself for what I did at Mount Weather, because when I see him, that's all I can see. I see him sitting on the floor with Maya in his arms, burnt and bleeding, and dead. I see the kids that I killed. Kids Octavia. Babies. I killed almost four hundred people that day. Most of whom were innocent. People who were trying to help us."

Tears were flowing freely now. "I hate seeing my mom, because I know how disappointed I make her. I can see it in her eyes every time I see her. Every time that she looks at me and she can see that I've been drinking again. I can see it in everybody's eyes. In Monroe, Harper, Monty, and Miller's. I can see the pain and disappointment radiating at me every time Bellamy comes near me."

Clarke looked up at Octavia. "And every night you put me to bed, all I feel is pain. Right here," Clarke said, pointing to her chest. "Because every night when you put me to bed, I can see the love radiating off of you. The concern you feel for me, and it hurts. It hurts because I don't deserve it. It hurts because every night you leave, I pray for the spirits to finally claim my soul. To finally give me the peace that I don't deserve."

Octavia felt like she had been stabbed in the heart. She had known that Clarke wanted to die, but hearing it come from Clarke made it real. It made her suspicions a reality.

"I hate being here O. I am reminded every day of what I did. At least when I was on the outside, I could breathe a little. There were moments where it didn't hurt so badly. Where I could see myself living again. Here there is no breath. There is no hope, because I'm reminded every second of what I did."

Octavia stepped forward tentatively. "Why did you come back here then?"

Clarke sank into the chair in front of her and sighed. "Lexa was having her people follow me. Every time I came close to death somebody would save me. Each time I let myself starve, I would wake up to somebody forcing me to eat and drink. When I learned to hunt to trade the meat for ale, she made sure nobody would trade the ale. When I nearly died from illness, she would send a healer to make me better. And during the winter, I would always wake up in a warm tent, or with a fire built by me. No matter where I went, there was always somebody there making sure I lived."

Octavia sat down at the table across from Clarke. "How do you know it was her?"

"Who else has the power to follow one person across several territories, include Azgeda?" Clarke asked sarcastically.

"True as that may be, she isn't the only person who would want to make sure you stayed alive," Octavia pointed out.

"I went to Polis," Clarke said softly. "About three months after I left. I just wanted to die, and one of her people saved me yet again. So, I had the warrior take me to Polis, and I confronted her. I tried to kill her, and yet she offered me a room in her tower. I stayed in Polis for six weeks."

"Wait," Octavia said. "I was in Polis for a week with Indra."

"I know. I begged Lexa to tell no one that I was there, and she honored my wishes," Clarke said. "I felt good in Polis. I didn't feel like I was drowning in my pain while I was there."

"Then why did you leave? Why are you here Clarke?"

Clarke start crying again. "I was the reason Lexa got shot. Titus felt that my presence in Polis made Lexa vulnerable. The Ice Queen staged a coup to overthrow Lexa, because I was in Polis alive. The ambassadors thought that Lexa should have killed me to take my power. Lexa proved him wrong though. She defeated Nia and made her son Roan the King Azgeda. Titus tried to kill me a few weeks later. He feared that my continued presence would get her killed, and he was right. Lexa got hit by a bullet that was meant for me. She heard the shots coming from my room and came to save me. She jumped in front of me. I left a week later. Once I was sure that she was recovering."

"Indra kept us informed on what was happening in Polis, but none of us knew you were involved in any of that. Indra never said."

"Indra never knew," Clarke said. "Lexa kept Indra and all of Trikru in the dark to honor my wishes."

"Lexa was shot a month before you showed back up. Where were you?"

"Trying to die," Clarke said honestly. "Everybody will be better off if I'm gone."

"No, we won't," Octavia said angrily. "Clarke our people are alive because of you."

"And how many are dead because of me? How many more are in pain because of me? Because of what I did to save them."

"Clarke. You have to stop beating yourself up for this. You have to let yourself live," Octavia said.

Clarke stood up so fast that she knocked the chair she had been sitting over. "I did," She half yelled, half cried with tears in her eyes. "I let myself forget. I let myself be happy for just a moment, and in that moment, I nearly got the woman I love killed."

Octavia froze at that admittance. There were rumors that Lexa had grown fond of Clarke during the war, and that's why Skaikru were under her protection. Clarke loving Lexa back was news though.

Clarke slumped to the floor and cried heavily. "She made the pain go away. She made the nightmares stop, and she gave me hope for our future. I let myself forget for just a moment. Just a moment, O. Just a moment, and the spirits punished me. Lexa nearly died because she loved me, and Titus knew. I let myself be happy for just a moment."

Octavia went and wrapped her arms around her friend, she continued to mumble 'just a moment' over and over again. When Clarke was calm again, she seemed to retreat back into the quiet Clarke Octavia had grown used to. Clarke allowed Octavia to put her to bed, and she obliged the woman when she brought the food and tea Lincoln brought them to her mouth. Octavia then laid down next to her and force her to cuddle into her side gently stroked the blonde's hair until they both drifted off to sleep.

~The 100 - Saving Clarke - The 100~

When Octavia woke several hours later, Clarke was gone, and her side of the bed was cold. She quickly got out of bed with fear in her heart. After their morning conversation, and how Clarke just seemed to shut down again, she was worried about what Clarke might do to herself.

She didn't know why she was surprised to find Clarke sitting by the fire with Jasper. It was only mid-afternoon, but both of them were already drunk enough to have trouble staying upright. Neither were talking, but the tension between the pair was palpable.

She looked around the yard to see who was in the area to see who had noticed the drunken pair. Octavia wanted to bang her head off something. Half of Arkadia's population was on the lawn. Some were sitting by the big fire pit, others were in their open workshops, and several were sitting at the makeshift tables by the smoke house, waiting for the hunting party to return with meat for them to smoke. There was no way she was going to be able to keep this from getting to Abby.

Octavia went over to the fire and pulled Clarke to her feet. "We have to get you out of here before your mom finds out you were shitfaced this early." She got them a few feet away from the fire, when Clarke pushed Octavia away from her.

"Fuck you, Octavia," Clarke slurred, and pushed Octavia again, making her fall backwards.

Jasper stood up in shock. "Holy shit. She talked."

Octavia looked up at Jasper in shock. "Clarke knocked me on my ass, and you're more shocked that she's talking."

"Clarke's a murderer, so yeah," Jasper said. The word murderer rolled off his tongue way too easily for Octavia's liking.

"You're not helping," she hissed him as she got off the ground. She chased after Clarke who was nearly to the ark doors. Whatever Clarke was going into the ark for couldn't be good. The blonde avoided the place like it had the plague. "Clarke. Stop."

Clarke kept stumbling toward the doors at a surprising speed considering how intoxicated she was. Octavia ran around her and halted her steps. "Get out of my way," she slurred.

"Not until you tell me why you are heading to the ark," Octavia told her.

"Jasper's right," Clarke said, her words slurring at every syllable. "I have to go float myself."

"No," Octavia said, and tried to drag Clarke away from the entrance. Her attempt was halted by a sloppy, but effective, left hook to her jaw. She looked at Clarke in shock. She couldn't believe Clarke had punched her. She didn't have time to react to it, because a second punch landed on her opposite cheek. On instinct, Octavia reached out and pushed Clarke to the ground, and climbed on top of her. She straddled Clarkes waist and pinned both arms above her head.

Octavia looked around them to find half the village running toward them. "Great," she mumbled. "Clarke your drunk, and you're not thinking straight. I'm going to let you up, but you have to promise that you will go with me back to your hut. Do you promise?"

Clarke nodded her head, and Octavia slowly got off Clarke. She helped her stand to her feet, only to find herself laying on the ground with Clarke straddling her. Clarke began sloppily punching Octavia, who was doing her best to block the punches without hurting Clarke. After the fifth punch was successfully landed, she realized she had to stop Clarke herself before the others got to them.

"What's going here?" A voice asked from behind them, making Octavia groan. That was the last person Octavia wanted to see. Two months of making sure Abby didn't find out how bad Clarke was getting was suddenly down the drain, right when she was finally getting through to the blonde.

Abby grabbed her daughter's arms, pinning them to the side, and pulled her off the warrior. Clarke struggled against her mother's grasp. She was kicking her feet and thrashing her head around. Octavia was sure that if Clarke wasn't so skinny, Abby wouldn't have been able to keep a hold of her.

"Clarke calm down," Abby said.

"No. Let me go," Clarke yelled, and thrashed harder.

Octavia was helped off the ground by one of the guard members. There was a cut above her right eye, and her lip was split. She groaned as she tentatively touched the split lip. She made a mental note not to start a fight with Clarke while she was sober if this was what the blonde could do as a stumbling drunk.

She stepped forward so she was right in front of Clarke. "You need to relax. It's just your mom. She's not going to hurt you."

Clarke seemed to relax a little at her words but was still attempting to break free from her mother's grasp.

"What's going on?" Abby asked again.

Octavia groaned, but squirmed because of the motherly look being directed at her.

"Clarke and I were just sparring," Octavia lied. It was a pathetic lie considering it was very clear that Clarke as drunk. She just hoped that a reasonable explanation would defer Abby from questioning Clarke's drunken state.

Abby glared at Octavia, who was sure she was busted.

"Okay," Abby said, surprising Octavia. "How about you take your sparring match away from the Ark.".

"Yeah," Octavia said, and took a step towards the now calm Clarke. "Come on, Clarke. Let's go spar by our huts."

"I'll come with you," Abby said, and started pushing Clarke towards the huts. "I'm curious to see how much my daughter learned during her time with the grounders."

A sinking feeling settled in Octavia's stomach. Abby knew she had lied, and now two months of protecting Clarke was going down the drain. They walked in silence as Abby lead them all the way into Clarke's hut. Clarke broke free from her mother grasp and walked the few steps to her bed. She flopped onto her bed face down, and then rolled over so she could see her mom and Octavia.

Abby watched as Octavia walked to the bed and started undressing Clarke. It was clear to her that this was not the first time they had gone through this routine. "So are you going to tell me the truth, or do you want me to fill in the blanks for myself."

Octavia sighed. "It's not as bad as your thinking, Abby."

"Don't patronize me Octavia," Abby snapped. "I'm not stupid, and I'm not blind. I know my daughter has been getting drunk with Jasper every night, but I also know that she keeps her drinking to a minimum during the day to keep me off her back. So, tell me what happened to change that."

Octavia looked down into Clarke's blue eyes. Clarke silently nodded, and then adjusted herself into the bed properly. She laid on her side facing her mother and friend.

Octavia turned to look at Abby. "Not here."

"I'm not leaving my daughter alone in this state," Abby said, and then walked closer to the bed.

"She fine Abby. Right Clarke?"

Clarke nodded her head.

"She'll be out in a few minutes, and will sleep for a few hours," Octavia said, and then walked toward Abby. "We can talk in my hut."

Abby looked to her daughter to find her already drifting off to sleep, and then nodded her head. They had barely entered the hut before Abby started speaking. "What happened to set her off like that?"

"Jasper happened." Octavia sighed, and sat down at the table. She pointed to the other chair, and Abby at down. "Clarke talked to me this morning. We took a nap and when I woke up, she was already at the fire with Jasper. I don't know why she couldn't wait until tonight to start drinking, but I do know why she got violent. She wasn't happy that I was pulling her away from the fire."

"She talked to you?" Abby asked. "She hasn't said anything to me since right after she got back."

"She hasn't said anything to anybody, Abby. Look. I know you're worried about her, but I need a little more time to help. I finally got through to her. I just need a few more days to figure out what is going to help her."

"Let me help you," Abby demanded. "Tell me what she told you, and we can figure this out together."

"No," Octavia said firmly, and then reached across the table. She laid her hand over Abby's. "That is for her to tell you herself. It's her story, and she has to be the one to decide when it is told. If I do it for her then it may end up making her worse."

"So, I'm just supposed to sit back and let you figure it out?"

Octavia sat back and crossed her arms. "Haven't you been doing that for months? I've been worried that you would figure it out and lock Clarke up after the last time you caught her shitfaced in the middle of the day. Here you've known all along."

"Locking Clarke up didn't help her. I figured being with her friends, and me not hovering would help her. I guess I was wrong." Abby sighed and slumped in her chair.

"We remind her of what she did," Octavia said. "She wants the pain to end, but she doesn't think she deserves it. She drinks with Jasper every night to punish herself for killing his girlfriend. The only way to help Clarke get better is to help her move on from the things she did. I've been making sure she's at least surviving, and now that she's finally started talking, I can help her."

"How long?"

"Just give me a few weeks. If she isn't doing better in a few weeks, then I'll tell you everything and we can figure it out together.

"Alright. I'll give you a few weeks." Abby stood, and walked toward the door. She looked over her shoulder and said, "Take care of my baby," and then left.

~The 100 - Saving Clarke - The 100~

Octavia check on Clarke one last time before she headed to bed. Clarke was still fast asleep, but she wanted to make sure the blonde had food, and fresh water in her hut. She had Lincoln make a cup of his special hangover tea for her and left it on the table with a note.

Octavia was certain that Clarke would be fine for the night. Monty had forced Jasper into the ark not long after Clarke's mini freak out, so all the moonshine was put away for the night. She knew there was a possibility of her wanting to hurt herself, so Octavia told Clarke to come to her hut if she felt the need to float herself again. She hoped that Clarke would follow that order, but just to be sure, she removed all of Clarke's weapons from the hut.

Lincoln was sitting at their table when she entered their hut. He looked tired from the long hunt but wore a soft smile at the sight of his love. He silently offered her a cup of ale, and when she came close, he kissed her. She took the offered cup and sighed heavily as she sat.

"I'm sorry Link," She said.

"It's okay Octavia. I'm not angry with you," Lincoln said. He reached across the table and took her hand in his. "Clarke's not doing well, and if you helped her by sharing your body with her, then I'm okay with that. I know you love me."

"How did I get so lucky?" Octavia gushed. She sat her cup down, and climbed into Lincoln's lap, straddling his hips. She kissed him with all the love she had to give and rubbed her center into his crotch as she melded her body to his. The kiss left no room for doubt. They loved each other and nothing would change that. He lifted her as he stood and carried her to the bed. Clothing were shed, and soon he was showing her just how much he loved her.

Hours later, the couple was startled awake by their hut door opening with a loud bang. A loud storm was raging outside, and at first the couple thought that the wind blew the door open. Lightning illuminated the sky, alerting them to the presence of somebody standing in the doorway.

"Clarke?" Octavia asked.

Thunder clapped around them, echoing off the distant mountains. Each clap sounded like the firing of a gun. Lincoln quickly realized what was happening. He knew that seemingly random things could set the mind into a frenzy of memories. He leaned down and whispered, "She is having an attack. Like I did as I came off the ripa drugs."

Octavia nodded her head and crawled out of bed. She advanced on her friend slowly, so she wouldn't spook her. Clarke hair was drenched with rainwater. Her body was bare except for her underwear, which were also soaked. Octavia wondered how long Clarke had been standing in the rain, because she was shivering violently. There was a gentle breeze flowing through the door and the open shutters, but the air was still hot from the day's heat. Clarke must have been out there a while to allow the cold rain to chill her to the bones.

She gently pulled Clarke into the hut and moved her to the bed. She pushed Clarke's soaked panties to the floor, and then made her sit down. After retrieving a drying cloth from her chest, Octavia dried Clarke's hair as best as she could.

Nothing was said as Octavia laid Clarke down next to Lincoln and crawled in behind her. She pressed her warm naked body into Clarke's cold form, resting her arms around her hip and under her head. Lincoln move to get out of the bed but was stopped by a hand. He looked down to see that it was Clarke who stopped him.

"I'm just going to put on underwear," he said softly. He didn't want Clarke to feel uncomfortable if his manhood accidentally came into contact with her body.

Clarke release her grip on his arm and relaxed into Octavia's embrace. Lincoln returned to the bed quickly, and cuddled close to Clarke, who leaned her head forward to lay against his chest. He wrapped his arm around both women, effectively cocooning Clarke between them.

Clarke sighed quietly. For the first time since she left Lexa's bed, she felt safe. Safe from the harsh world outside, and safe from the even harsher world inside her mind.

~The 100 - Saving Clarke - The 100~

For the next week Octavia's routine with Clarke was fairly the same as it had been since the blonde's return. She made sure that Clarke was dressed, fed, bathed, and safe. Each night she led a drunk Clarke away from Jasper and the moonshine and tucked her into bed.

Only one thing had changed since she finally got Clarke to talk. Instead of Clarke staying in her bed after Octavia tucked her in, Clarke would find her way into Octavia and Lincoln's bed. Some nights the couple barely had a chance to relax and enjoy their time together before the blonde was heard coming up the steps. While other nights, both were deep asleep when Clarke would sneak into the hut and crawl into bed next to Octavia.

Neither seem to mind the blonde's presence in their bed. In fact, both were just happy that Clarke was relying on somebody instead of hiding everything deep down.

That was until they realized that Clarke wasn't doing nearly as well as they had hoped.

The day was a particularly hot one, especially for those who still weren't accustom to the fluctuating temperatures of Earth. Abby had demanded that everybody who wasn't on guard duty take the day off to alleviate any potential cases of heat stroke. She was even making the guards take shifts, to ensure their safety.

Most of Arkadia was soothing their overheated bodies in lake. Even Jasper, in his sobered state, seemed be enjoying himself. The only person who wasn't enjoying the lake was Clarke, who had been holed up in her hut all day. Octavia, Lincoln, and Raven had all tried to coax her out of her home with no avail.

Around mid-afternoon, Octavia left the cool waters, and ventured back into the walls of Arkadia. It had been several hours since anybody had checked on Clarke, and the worry in the pit of her stomach was urging her to make sure she was alright. That pit of worry only increased when she found Clarke's hut empty.

She began searching for her missing friend, hoping to find her before she had to alert the others. She prayed that Clarke wasn't off somewhere doing something stupid.

Stupid wasn't the word for what Clarke was doing when she finally found her twenty minutes later. Incredibly stupid, moronic, even bordering on insanity were better ways to describe it.

Octavia's first indication that something was off, was the unlocked door to Abby's medical bay office. That door was always locked, even when the doctor was in it, because the office was where the medical herbs and drugs were stored. Abby would never leave it unlocked. She didn't even know why she had tried the door in the first place. She was glad that she did, however.

Clarke was sitting in Abby's chair, with her head thrown back. There was a goofy smile on her face, and she seemed to be enthralled with something on the ceiling. Octavia knew right away that something was off about the girl. Something was wrong.

She rounded Abby's desk, and saw it. There were two empty capsules of morphine laying on the floor next to the desk chair. Fear struck Octavia. She had to get Clarke out of Abby's office, before somebody saw her or worse, before Abby returned.

She scooped up the empty morphine capsules and pulled Clarke to her feet. Clarke looked at her in shock but allowed her friend to pull her out of the office. Octavia paused at the door just long enough to lock it, before dragging a stumbling Clarke out of the Ark. She quickly scanned the grounds to see if anybody had returned from the lake, before venturing across the land. She took a route that allowed them to hide behind building should anybody come back inside the walls.

Clarke's drug addled mind thought that Octavia was playing a game with her and was following along behind her excitedly. Once they reached Clarke's hut, she grew even more excited.

Octavia barely had Clarke's door closed when a pair of soft lips were on hers. Momentarily stunned, she allowed Clarke to kiss her deeper. The removal of her shirt brought reality crashing around her. She pushed Clarke back, and glared at her.

"Do have any idea what you just did Clarke?" Octavia asked rhetorically. Clarke just looked at her with a goofy smile on her lips and a curious look on her face. "Of course not, because you're stoned out of your mind. I am so angry at you. So disappointed in you. There is no way your mother doesn't notice that two of her morphine capsules went missing."

Clarke continued to look at Octavia as though she was trying to figure out what Octavia was saying to her.

Octavia sighed, and pushed Clarke to her bed. "You're too far gone for this conversation. We'll have it when you've returned to the ground."

She watched as Clarke flopped backwards and stared up at the ceiling with a goofy grin on her face. Octavia picked up her shirt and then flopped down in the overstuffed armchair in corner of the hut and resigned herself to an evening of Clarke watching.

Her anger and disappointment were put on hold as she watched the blonde with interest. Clarke soon grew bored with whatever had caught her interest on the ceiling. She huffed, rolled around her bed a few times, before she slowly started removing her clothing.

Once every article of clothing had been removed, Clarke began fidgeting and rolling around her bed again. After a few minutes of fidgeting, Clarke suddenly stood up on her bed. She turned around in a circle three times, before falling backwards, landing dead center in her bed. A sigh of relief escaped her lips, as she stared up at the ceiling.

Octavia watched, somewhat shamelessly as Clarke's hands started roaming over her body. Fingers slid up over her taunt abs and came to rest over her mounds, kneading the soft flesh they found, playing with pink erect nipples. A loud moan escaped Clarke's lips when her left hand traveled down to her body, easily finding her clit through the forest of blonde curls.

Octavia wanted to look away, to give her friend privacy, but her eyes were glued to Clarke. Thoughts of their night together flooded her mind. She shifted uncomfortable as a flood of arousal dripped into her panties. She longed to stick her hand down her pants to alleviate the pressure Clarke was unknowingly causing. Something felt wrong about it to her though. Sure, Clarke was giving her a show, but this wasn't her hut and Clarke's morphine addled mind probably didn't even realize she was still in the hut.

Octavia stifled a moan as Clarke's orgasm hit loudly. Her body was raging, begging her to go over to the bed and kiss away Clarke's sweet nectar. She refrained, much to her body's disappointment. Clarke rolled over onto her stomach, and it wasn't long before soft snores could be heard coming from her.

As Clarke slept, Octavia's hormones leveled out again, and her anger increased. She could not figure out why Clarke would risk breaking into Abby's office to steal morphine. When the Ark was still floating in space, stealing morphine was punishable by death. With the Ark on the ground the laws have changed, but stealing medicine still came with a hefty punishment. Shock-lashing.

What baffled her even more however was the fact that Clarke had stayed in the office to take the drug. It was as if the blonde wanted to get caught. She wasn't sure what Abby would have done if she had found Clarke in her office, stoned out of her mind, but she knew that it wouldn't have been good for Clarke.

Lincoln came into the hut as the sun began to dip low in the sky. He carried three plates of food, and a jug of water. As Octavia took the plates from him, he glanced at Clarke's naked form questioningly. Octavia set the plates on the table, and motion for him to follow her outside.

She dropped to the porch stairs with a heavy sigh. "I don't know what to do Link. She's lost her damn mind."

Lincoln sat down next to her. "You seem angry," he said. Anger wasn't a feeling Clarke had brought out in Octavia since her return. It confused him, and also made him a little fearful. Clarke must have done something bad to anger his houmon.

Octavia scoffed and stood up. "Yeah. I'm angry Link. She went and lost her fucking mind today. While we were all at the lake, she was breaking into Abby's office to steal morphine." She was careful to say the words just loud enough for him to hear, but they were still spoken with venom. She was incredibly angry at Clarke's stupidity, but there was also worry in her words as well.

Lincoln was in shock.

"It gets worse," She groaned. "She took two morphine capsules while sitting in Abby's office. I found her high as hell, with the empty capsules laying on the floor."

Lincoln's mind raced with this news. He had seen the aftereffects of war. How it changes people's minds. How people start drowning in the guilt and the nightmares. The older warriors know how to achieve their redemption. They know that all they have to do is ask for the help they need, and they will gain it without judgment. The younger warriors are not so in tune with themselves or the people around them to know what they need. They lash out and start doing stupid things until somebody comes along and gives them the help that they need.

He was surprised that it had taken Clarke this long to break. Yes, she had been drinking herself into a stupor each night, but she had Octavia there to help her every day. He had thought that Clarke was opening up more, that she was realizing what she needed by coming to their hut each night. Apparently, he was wrong.

"She wanted to get caught," he said solemnly. "She's crying out for help but doesn't know how to get it. She doesn't know how to fix it."

"I've been trying to help her," Octavia said sadly. She sat down next to Lincoln again. "What more can I do. She crawls in bed with us every night for crying out loud."

"She's acting like a goufa," Lincoln commented.

Octavia groaned and covered her face with her hands. "How did Clarke become our goufa? Ugh. That sounded so wrong. I've had sex with Clarke. I just watched her pleasure herself while high. Those are thing no nomon should do with her goufa."

Lincoln chuckled. "No, but it not uncommon for friends and lovers to take on a parental role should the need arise. It is our way of making sure people don't let themselves go too far and do something that they will regret."

"Like stealing morphine just to get high," Octavia said. "So, what am I supposed to do?"

"She's acting like a goufa, so we treat her like a goufa," Lincoln stated matter-of-factly.

"Great. I get to go play mommy to a grown ass adult, who I've had sex with, just to save her from her actually mother. There isn't anything wrong with that sentence," Octavia said sarcastically.

Months of living with Octavia gave Lincoln an insight to Skaikru language that few grounders understood. Thanks to that insight, he understood that Octavia was being sarcastic. Unfortunately, he didn't know why sarcasm was used, not that he wasn't going to tell his houmon this. She would go off on an hour-long rant about it, leaving him more confused than before. Nope, he would just have to figure this one out on his own.

Octavia stood up. "Come on. We have to go wake the goufa up, and get her to eat something, and then I think a detox is in order. Clarke can't get better if she's drunk all the time and punishing her while her mind is addled is pointless."

"How are you going to punish her?" Lincoln asked.

"I have no clue," Octavia said. "Let's get her sober and talk to her and then we can decide."

They walked into the hut together. Lincoln went to sit at the table, while Octavia went over to the bed. She gently shook Clarke awake. She glared down at Clarke with her best impression of the look her mother always gave her when Octavia had been in trouble. "Dinner is on the table. I suggest you get your butt up and get dressed," she said sternly, barely able to keep her anger from her tone.

Clarke stood up and walked around her bed. She stood in front of Octavia and glared at her. "What the fuck is your problem?"

"I'm not the one with the problem Clarke," Octavia said with a softer, tender tone. "You are. You broke into your mother's office and stole morphine. When you were just drinking your crap away, we let you go. We figured if we gave you space you would bounce back. When you started crawling into bed with each night, we figure you were just opening yourself up a little. Easing your pain with human contact instead of alcohol. We aren't going to stand by and watched you wither away anymore. Not after what you did today."

"I don't need you to play mom Octavia," Clarke spat.

"Clearly you do, or you wouldn't be doing stupid shit like stealing morphine," Octavia said, the anger returning to every fiber of her being.

"Fuck this," Clarke said, and turned around. She picked up her discarded clothing and put them back on. She walked towards the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" Octavia asked.

Clarke flung the door open and marched out of her hut without another word. Octavia turned to Lincoln with a glare and said, "Well that went well."

"She's going to the fire with Jasper," Lincoln said and picked up the plates. "Let her have tonight, and we will try again tomorrow. We should stay with her though. Make sure she doesn't do anything stupid."

"Yeah."

They spent the night watching Clarke closely for any signs that she was about to crack, for a lack of better words. Clarke was the same quiet, sullen mess she was every day. She drank heavily, didn't say a word, and accepted every cup Jasper handed her. The only difference between then and now was the glares she kept shooting Octavia and Lincoln.

When it was time for Clarke to go to bed, the blonde shook Octavia off, and told her to 'go float herself' before heading to her hut alone. For the first night in a week, Clarke didn't crawl into bed with them, and when Octavia went to take Clarke her breakfast, she found Clarke's hut empty.

With the help of Lincoln, they searched Arkadia high and low. Clarke was nowhere to be found. Fear crept into Octavia's chest after her third time looking in the Ark. The last time Clarke disappeared she was gone for six months.

Thankfully, Abby still had Arkadia on light work details until the heat let up, so most of the village was out at the lake. Nobody noticed Lincoln and Octavia frantically searching the grounds. As the sun began to dip lower in the sky, the couple returned to their hut in defeat. Clarke was gone, and they had no choice but to inform Abby about it. Clarke couldn't have gotten too far, but she was skilled at hiding her tracks and evading search parties.

They opened the door to their hut and were shocked to see the blonde they had been frantically searching for all day. She was sprawled out on their bed, completely naked, with her hand feverishly working between her legs. Octavia stifle a moan at the sight before her, while Lincoln turned his around to face the open-door way.

"Clarke," Octavia said sharply.

Clarke opened her eyes and looked at Octavia in shock. A smile quickly formed on the blonde's face as her face lit up in excitement. "Octavia," she said dreamily. "I've been waiting for you. Where have you been?"

Octavia groaned as she heard Clarke's voice. Her stomach suddenly felt like it had rocks in it. Clarke was high again, which meant she broke into her mother's office again. There was no way Abby wasn't going to notice that much morphine was missing. Especially since the herbs to make the morphine were still very limited.

"Looking for you," Octavia said and started picking up Clarke's discarded clothing. After all the articles of clothing had been accounted for, she went to the bed. Clarke was looking up at her with a lust filled look. Her hand was still between her legs but was moving more slowly.

"You need to get dressed," Octavia said and tossed the pile of clothing next to her friend.

"Join me first," Clarke said. "Beja."

"No Clarke," Octavia said, and silently cursed the blonde. Why did the morphine have to make Clarke so damn horny? Clarke looked so good playing with herself. It took every ounce of will power not to pull Clarke to the edge of the bed and bury her head in Clarke center. "Lincoln and I will be outside while you finish up." Octavia ignored Clarke's whiney pleas, and practically push her houmon out of the hut. She closed the door and sighed heavily as she slumped to the top step.

Lincoln was standing in front of her wearing a smirk. "I can see why you laid with her. Clarke is very beautiful like that."

Octavia snorted at her houmon's way of breaking the tension. "Very beautiful, and very annoying. The morphine makes her very horny and open about it." Octavia groaned and place her head in her hands. She was so overwhelmed by Clarke, and her raging libido was not helping the situation.

"I though you checked her for more morphine capsules?" Lincoln asked quietly.

"I did. She must have broken into Abby's office again, and took more," Octavia said. Anger filled Octavia's chest. Clarke was putting them all in danger now. Once Abby realizes that the morphine is gone, she is going to go on a rampage to find out who did it. It's not going to take long for them to converse and realize who was left in the village while everybody was out in the lake. Clarke is the only person who has been holed up inside the walls. Abby had given her three weeks to figure something out, and Clarke got worse. Clarke is breaking and entering, stealing, and abusing addictive drugs.

Octavia thought about what her mother would have done if it had been her or Bellamy who was stealing and taking morphine. Aurora had been a loving but strict mother. She had to be strict with Octavia because both their lives depended on the girl's behavior. Octavia hadn't been an unruly child, but there had been a few times where she had pushed her mother too far. She didn't think her mother's way of handling her punishments in those cases were warranted. Things on the ark were different, harsher.

She wanted, no need Clarke to understand that she had more to live for and for that fact to actually sink into her mind. How was she going to get her to do that though? How was she going to get Clarke to understand that she screwed up? That what she did wasn't the way she should be handling her pain.

Octavia sighed heavily. She had time to figure that out. Clarke needed to be sober and alert before she would even contemplate what to do with her. She stood up and looked at her houmon. "Can you go and get some food and water. We are sobering Clarke up, putting her down for a nap, and when she wakes, we'll do everything we can to make sure this never happens again.

Clarke was asleep when Octavia entered the hut. She was still naked, sprawled out on the bed giving Octavia a very good look at her body. She groaned, again. Clarke was sending her mind and body into a frenzy. She had never really thought about woman before, not that means much since she lived in the floor for sixteen years. She hadn't really thought about anything until she got to the ground, and suddenly had the freedom to actually be with somebody.

She decided to let Clarke sleep off the morphine instead of waking her. She threw a thin blanket over her naked body. She was a little worried about Clarke not eating all day, but she was in no mood to deal with Clarke while she was high. Not if she kept getting horny and felt the need to masturbate.

When Lincoln returned with food and water, she sent him off to join their friends for the afternoon. She wanted him there for support, but there was no reason for him to sit around and watch Clarke sleep as well.

Clarke didn't sleep nearly as long as she had the day before, but Octavia noticed that she seemed groggier. She was worried about how the bad effects the drugs could have on Clarke. She was torn between letting the effects wear off or taking her to see Abby to make sure she was alright. Since she was sitting up on her own, and somewhat talking, she figured she would be alright.

She helped Clarke dress in shorts and a t-shirt, and then sat her at the table to eat. She was slightly amused by the groggy look Clarke wore. After Clarke ate her food and downed three cups of water, the blonde moved back to the bed. She snuggled up in the center of the bed and stared at Octavia with a tired look. She patted the bed softly, silently asking for her to join her.

Octavia crawled onto the bed and laid down on her back. Clarke immediately moved to cuddle against her side. She laid her head down on her shoulder and draped her arm around Octavia's stomach. They laid in silence until the sun disappeared for the evening, both absorbed in their thoughts.

The effects of the morphine slowly wore off, leaving Clarke a sullen groggy mess. It had been good to feel happy, even if it was just for a few hours. The pain of the last two years was drowning her, and she didn't know how to fix it. She wanted to be okay. She wanted to feel happy, but there was a little voice inside of her head telling her that she didn't deserve it. That all she did was destroy the people she loved.

There was a heaviness that stayed on her chest every day, making it hard to breath. All she wanted to do was stay in her hut and cry, but she was forced to join the rest of Arkadia every day. She was forced to see the people she had hurt, and the people who looked at her judgingly, or with pride and admiration. She couldn't handle it.

All she wanted to do is make the pain go away. She wanted to live, to be happy, but there was a part of her who wished she would just die. That part of her scared her. It was that part of her who had fueled her leaving Arkadia when it was still called Camp Jaha. It was that part of her that made her just give up while in the wilderness.

Her mind had been warring with itself for nine months, and it was starting to make her go crazy. If it hadn't been for Lexa and Octavia she surely would have wasted away already. Lexa had nearly been killed by her own advisor for her attempts, and she knew that Octavia was suffering because she was taking care of her.

The only the reason she stayed at Arkadia was to protect the people she loved. She couldn't risk Lexa looking weak in front of her subjects because of her, and if she left Octavia wouldn't stop looking for her. Nobody would.

She knew that it was stupid steal the morphine. She just needed to feel something other than pain and knew that the drug would help with that. She sighed in content. This was the only time she felt safe, like no matter what happened she would be okay. The content feeling only ever lasted a few minutes before guilt settled in her heart. She felt bad for always coming to their bed. Like she was coming between them, even though they always made her feel loved each morning.

Her troubled thoughts bleed into her sleep and raced even as she woke the next morning. She felt a soft kiss on her cheek and opened her eyes to find Octavia staring at her. "You're thinking too loud," she said softly. A soft smile was teasing on her lips.

A sad look settled on Clarke's features. "I'm sorry O."

"It's okay Clarke. When Lincoln wakes, we'll talk about you stealing the morphine, but for now just relax," Octavia said quietly. She raised her hand to move a strand on Clarke's hair out of her face. She leaned down and placed a loving kiss on her lips.

Lincoln shifted behind Clarke, and she felt a second pair of lips on her shoulder. The love that was being sent her way was overwhelming. Tears welled in her eyes, and a strangled sob was released. Octavia pulled back from the kiss and pulled her close.

Octavia held Clarke until Lincoln returned with their breakfast a while later. The silence around the hut as they ate was deafening. A tension built inside of Clarke that she hadn't felt in years. Not since before her father was floated. After the finished eating Lincoln left again with their dishes.

Octavia made Clarke go with her to the lake so they could bathe. They could already hear people swimming and playing as they washed in the private alcove, and Clarke found herself longing to join them. Once they were clean, Octavia lead them back to her hut.

"So, I'm just going to jump right in," Octavia said. "Things have to change Clarke. I've let you drink yourself stupid every night because I was trying to let you figure your shit out by yourself. I shouldn't have left you get this bad. Stealing morphine is too much Clarke. You're not doing okay, and I'm not going to sit by and watch you waste away anymore."

"And how to you plan to do that?" Clarke asked. Her voice was sad, but there was an edgy tone to it.

"By giving you a choice," Octavia told her strongly. "Neither choice is one that you are going to like, but the choice is yours to make. You can either let me help you, accept punishment for stealing and taking the morphine, and stop drinking, or I will go to Abby and tell her everything."

Clarke looked at Octavia in shock. "You wouldn't."

Octavia looked Clarke in the eyes. "Yes, I would. Clarke, you're drowning, and if you won't let me help you, then I will get your mother to help. My only goal here is to make sure you are okay. I don't care how that happens now. I'm not protecting you from her anymore unless you agree to accept my help."

"She won't help me Octavia," Clarke said, and flung herself off the step. "She'll have me shock lashed and locked away in her quarters, Octavia. That won't help me. That'll just make everything worse."

"At least I know you will be safe," Octavia said. "Clarke, you stole morphine and took it, twice. I don't know much about drugs, but I do know that there is a reason why it's only used for serious injuries. Morphine is addictive and could kill you if you take too much. You took two capsules while you were in your mother's office. You were out of your mind."

"I was fine," Clarke spat.

Octavia looked around to see if anybody was around their huts. "Clarke, what do you think would have happened if it hadn't been me who found you? Shock lashing is the best scenario. Somebody could have taken advantage of you. Rape isn't a common crime, but it still happens. You were here when Pike was banished for raping Stella. How would you feel if you woke up yesterday, and somebody had done that to you?"

"I wouldn't have let that happen," Clarke said.

"Clarke, you were so horny that you masturbated in front of me. Twice," Octavia quietly screeched.

"I…" Clarke looked at Octavia in horror. "O, I don't remember doing that. I'm so sorry." Clarke looked down at the ground dejectedly.

Octavia sighed and stood up. She wrapped her arms around Clarke, and whispered, "Its okay Clarke. Just no more morphine."

"Yeah," Clarke said softly. "No more.

"I'll help you if you will let me," Octavia said.

Clarke pushed Octavia back and looked at her with teary eyes. "I don't know if I want to be helped."

Octavia's heart froze for just a second causing her breath to get caught in her throat. "Well that's not an option. You're getting help whether you want it or not. I won't let you keep drowning anymore. I understand that you have been hurting, and that being in Arkadia around all of us has made it worse. I am glad that you opened up to me, but I wish you had come to me instead of resorting to the morphine. You could have gotten caught, or worse, died."

"I didn't care what happened to me," Clarke quietly admitted.

"I know," Octavia sighed. "That makes what you did harder, because I do care what happens to you. I know everybody else does too. I love you Clarke. That's why I'm doing this, instead of going to your mother."

"I know." Clarke was doing her best to keep the emotions flooding her chest from escaping. She was sad that she had worried Octavia and Lincoln. Worried that her mother would find out, and her friends would get in trouble too. Horrified to think about what could have happened while she was high. Everything she had been feeling for weeks had balled itself up in her chest and was now threatening to break through her strongly built wall.

The biggest feeling of them all was the one that was filling the dam to a toppling point.

Love

Octavia loved her, and she had done something stupid. Again. She hadn't been thinking about anybody but herself when she had taken that morphine. After she returned to Arkadia, she had made herself a promise that she would never do something that would hurt her friends again. She was beginning to realize that is all she had been doing since she returned. Hurting them. By drinking her sorrows away each night and refusing to talk to them. By stealing the morphine and taking it, she had hurt Octavia and Lincoln. She couldn't keep doing that. She didn't want to be the cause of any more pain.

"I love you Clarke," Octavia said. "I love you, and I never want anything to happen to you. Taking the morphine was reckless. You disappeared on me. Lincoln and I were looking everywhere for you. I was terrified that you had left again." Tears welled in Octavia's eyes, as she chocked back a sob. Her voice was heavy as she tried to keep the tears back. "I thought you had gone off to kill yourself Clarke. I thought that I failed you."

Tears flowed down Octavia's cheeks as she. A strangled sob broke free from Clarke. The flood of emotions broke free from Clarke. Tears and sobs freely flowed from her, as all of the emotions she had been bottling escaped.

The overwhelming urge to comfort Clarke spurred Octavia to pulled Clarke from her chair and into her lap, cradling her like a child. Clarke put her face into the crook of Octavia's neck and wrapped her arms around her. Octavia rocked them soothingly and with each gentle pat more emotion escaped leaving Clarke a messy puddle in Octavia's lap.

She whispered soothing as she too continued to cry, the fear from the last few days leaking out of her with each tear.

"You. I choose you," Clarke said after she had calmed enough properly think about Octavia's ultimatum. No that she had to think hard about it. Octavia and Lincoln had been making her feel very loved the last week, more loved then she had felt from her mother in a long time. Things were different now with Abby. Clarke didn't trust her. She had lost that trust the day her father died, and she hadn't earned that trust back yet. Octavia on the other hand, she trusted with her life.

"Good. Good," Octavia said. She was happy that Clarke chose her, because that meant that she was willing to change.

"I'm sorry," Clarke cried. "I'm so sorry O."

"It's okay Clarke. It's okay," Octavia said, through her own tears. "I love you."

"I love you too Octavia," Clarke cried.

"Let's go outside and we can take about what's going to happen."

They moved slowly out to the steps, where Octavia looked at Clarke with a strict look on her face that reminded Clarke of her father. It was very rare that she upset Jake, but when she did, he always wore this specific look and Clarke knew she was about to be in big trouble. She squirmed in her seat.

"From now on, you are not allowed to mask your feelings with moonshine or ale. Lincoln and I are here to listen and help you with whatever you need. Even if it's just lying in bed with us. We will never turn you away. Starting tomorrow you are going to join Lincoln and me on our hunts. A little time out of Arkadia will do you some good. Until further notice, you are not to go anywhere inside Arkadia unless Lincoln or I know where you are going."

"You might as well lock me in my hut and throw away the key," Clarke sniped weakly.

"It's just until I'm sure you're not going to go do something stupid like steal more morphine, or start drinking again," Octavia said. "Do well for a few weeks and then you can move freely again."

"Is that it?" Clarke asked.

"No," Octavia said, and then rung her hands nervously. "You need to be punished for stealing the morphine." Her voice was strong and unwavering.

Clarke snorted.

"I'm not joking Clarke. I may not want to see you shock lashed, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be punished for stealing and taking the morphine. Remember this is a take it or leave it situation. You either accept my rules and punishment or we go to your mother right now."

"I don't want my mother to know," Clarke said. "I can't take been locked up anymore, and this will just give her a reason to treat me like a child again."

Octavia moved off the step and knelt in front of Clarke. She put her hand on her thigh, and softly said, "I love you Clarke. I just want you to be safe and happy and whole. I will do whatever it takes to make that happen."

Clarke sighed softly. "Thanks O. I love you too."

Octavia stood up and grabbed Clarke's hand. "Come on. Let's go swimming."

"But what about my punishment?"

"This is your punishment. Part of it anyway. The other part is not being left alone for a few weeks. Right now, I want to show you the good in our new world," Octavia said, and pulled Clarke to her feet.

Clarke allowed Octavia to pull her to the lake where the rest of Arkadia was congregated. She didn't understand why Octavia would consider this a punishment at first, but as she looked around at the villagers, she realized what she was trying to do. She had spent so long hiding from the best of this new world, stuck inside her warring mind, doing everything she could to punish herself with the bad. Only Octavia would think to punish her with the good.

She looked around at everyone with mixed feelings. They all looked happy. Most of the remaining hundred were swimming in the water, splashing, and playing with one of the pig skin balls Lincoln had made. Raven was laying on a floating device made of thick branches and netting. She had her head thrown back, laughing at something Lincoln had just said, and Clarke couldn't help but notice how beautiful she looked. How at ease she seemed to be.

Bellamy and Monty were in the center of the lake in the middle of a race. Jasper was sitting on a large floating log waiting to see who won. He didn't look happy, but he also didn't look miserable. Miller was floating with his boyfriend, Bryon. They were talking to each other in between soft kisses. Harper and Monroe were laying on the shore on a patchwork quilt. They were cuddled close and talking softly.

Marcus and Abby were sitting on a log by the edge of the lake. They were looking around at the mass of people happily. Clarke noticed for the first time since she returned that the two looked comfortable together. They looked like a couple.

"Come on Clarke," Octavia said, with a reassuring smile. She pulled her the shore and pushed off her shorts, leaving her in her tank top, and underwear.

"I don't know how to swim," Clarke said.

"That's okay. It's really easy. We'll teach you," Octavia said, and then jumped into the water. She swam to where Lincoln and Raven were floating. She gave Lincoln a kiss, and then pushed Raven back towards the shore. "We're gonna teach Clarke how to swim," she told Raven quietly, and then motioned to where the woman was standing.

Raven looked at Clarke in surprise. The summer was almost over, and this was the first time she had come to the lake to join them. "Is she sober?" She questioned quietly.

"Yup," Octavia said happily.

"How did you manage that?"

"Let's just say I didn't give her much of a choice. It was either she let me help her, or I was going to Abby," Octavia said.

"What happened to make you want to tell Abby about her?"

"She did something stupid. I won't tell you what she did, but it was bad. Bad enough for me to want to put a stop to her destructive behavior."

"She looks nervous," Raven commented.

Octavia looked up at Clarke, and saw what Raven was seeing. "She hasn't seen or spoken to any of you in three months while sober. It's a lot for her to deal with. I think seeing you, and hopefully talking to everybody will make her feel more at ease. Maybe we can get her to start healing and moving on like the rest of us have."

Raven nodded her head slightly, and then looked up at Clarke again. "You know. O, can't teach you how to swim if you don't get in the water."

Clarke's shoulders relaxed a little, but there was a tension in her body that still could be seen. Many of the remaining hundred had realized that Clarke was standing there, and they had stopped to see what was going on. Clarke and Jasper's campfire activities were well known among them. While they have seen Clarke during the day, it as rare to see her sober.

"Come on Clarke," Octavia said. "Just aim for Raven's float, and then we'll swim out together."

Octavia knew that Clarke jumping into the water signified something greater than just having some fun. It was more than that. Deeper. To everybody else it was just Clarke finally joining them in some every day, nonalcoholic fun. To Clarke it was about taking that first leap into finally healing.

The crowd around them cheered loudly as Clarke leaped of the ledge and into the water. She landed just a foot away from Raven's float, and frantically grasped for the floating branch but missing. She gasped for air as she resurfaced, and practically threw herself onto the side of the float.

She looked up at Octavia and Raven, who both wore smiles.

"It's about damn time," Raven commented.

Clarke knew that comment had nothing to do with her jumping into the water, and everything to do with her starting to move on. "Yeah," she said softly. She looked at Octavia and nodded her head slightly, silently thanking her.

~The 100 - Saving Clarke - The 100~

Octavia hadn't been kidding when she said the other half of her punishment was not being left alone. When the sun had dipped out of sight, Octavia had escorted Clarke back to her cabin like she did every night, but only to get a change of clothing. She then pulled Clarke over to hers and Lincoln's cabin, where she laid Clarke down in their bed.

"You're going to stay with Link and I until your ready to handle the nights alone again," she said softly.

"I don't want to crowd you," Clarke said quietly. Weakly.

"We want you here Clarke," Octavia said. "For as long as you need us. This is how we can help you."

Lincoln went to her side and knelt down before her. He placed a tender kiss on her forehead and pulled back with tears glistening in his eyes. He didn't say anything to her, because she didn't need to hear his words. She had already been told everything she need to hear earlier. What she needed from him, was the simple knowledge that he was there too. That he loved her too.

As they laid in bed together, Clarke couldn't help but notice the relief she felt. The pain of everything she had done was still there, residing in her chest. It just wasn't as overwhelming as it had been before Octavia helped her. She could feel a difference inside her now. She felt as though there was a possibility for a good life. That maybe she could be forgiven for what she had done.

Clarke spent the next day hunting with Lincoln and Octavia. She enjoyed hunting with her friends and let her guard down completely. She talked with them and told them of her travels. It felt good to be able to talk and laugh. It felt good to feel free.

It felt good to be alive.


End file.
